I can’t tell you exactly how to feel fulfilled. But, by looking at what makes others feel fulfilled, and science, we can make a path there. Being aware of your needs and actively working to do what makes you happy is worth the effort.
What even is fulfillment?
What would you put on your gravestone? Your name, the dates, maybe a picture? Would you go funky with it, and pop on your best fudge recipe? When I think of this, I end up with the same things. Some way of saying: “I was here. I loved. I did, and I did well.”
It’s all the things that make me feel fulfilled. Which is a tricky word, sometimes– it’s not happiness, not exactly success, but something beyond. It’s meeting the ‘requirements’ of life, in a way.
It’s different for everyone. The meaning of it can change depending on what you value. When I ask ‘How do I feel fulfilled?’, I won’t ever get quite the same answer. If we want to feel fulfilled, we need to know what that even means first.
The word on the street
Doing work with results, nature, meaningful activities, and our communities are all things that make us feel fulfilled.
In trying to write this blog, I realized the above issue pretty quickly. We’re all different people. We’ll all have different answers– but maybe there’s something in common we can reach for. Some kind of ‘This generally works’ to start with.
I asked the people around me what made them feel fulfilled, to try and see what the word meant to them.
A dear friend and mentor of mine, Santosh, said:
“Anything you do when you can see the result right in front of you. I was working in Idaho a while ago, and I was working with these three leaders- I wanted to do so much for them, because they were so genuine, and while I was there, I could feel them reflecting that energy back at me.”
My cousin said:
“Having something I worked to create bring someone else joy. Reaching a goal that was difficult, experiencing something new… using my experience to make someone else’s life easier, and spending time outside or with loved ones.”
And my wonderful coworkers said:
“Raising good kids, volunteering, a good laugh. My husband says family, hobbies, and friends!”
“I find my peace and joy in the great outdoors, whether I’m near the ocean or the mountains. Being surrounded by loved ones fills my heart, and I cherish calm moments with a good book. I express my love for others through quality time and thoughtful gifts.”
In these answers, there are some commonalities. Work with results (volunteering, reaching goals). The great outdoors. Doing new, or beloved, activities. Family and friends.
When I looked inward, similar things arose. I feel fulfilled when I’m writing, spending time with my family doing things we love. Being next to a tree. My favorite hobbies… and success, in all the endeavors I have. So there’s something to the word on the street on how to feel fulfilled. But what does science say?
Science says: check your needs
Before you can feel fulfilled, it’s necessary to make sure you have your needs met.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs says that before you can become the best version of yourself, you need to fulfill your needs.
I’ve used CNN’s recreation of the pyramid here. The most important level, and the base of your needs, is food, water, shelter. Things you need to survive.
After you survive, you can feel safe. After you feel safe, you can socialize. After you socialize, you can grow your sense of self.
Only after all these things are done can you reach ‘self actualization’. Which means, here, the ability to be the best you can be. Like maybe… doing work with results, experiencing the great outdoors, finding new activities, growing as a person? Self actualization, in this use, is nearly synonymous with feeling fulfilled.
So if you’re finding yourself not reaching that point yet, take a look at this pyramid. Do you have food? Water, secure shelter? Are you safe? Do you have bonds you can rely on? Do you feel your dignity is intact?
This isn’t a scientific absolute. We are very complex animals, and the pyramid doesn’t take into account every variable. But many experts find it a useful way to look at yourself. Are your needs met? Once they are, you can reach beyond to fulfillment.
So what do I do, then?
See what’s stopping you. If it’s something you can fix, try fixing it. If it’s something you can’t, don’t feel ashamed to reach out for help.
Look me in the eyes, dear reader. If I asked you ‘What makes you feel fulfilled?’, what would you say? Don’t just read on, answer the question. Write it down.
When you look at your answer, ask yourself another question. What’s stopping you from doing that?
For example, my own answer: ‘I feel fulfilled when I’m writing, spending time with my family doing things we love. My favorite hobbies… and success, in all the endeavors I have.’
What’s stopping me from writing more? Not much. That’s something I can see makes me happy, and try to do more.
What’s stopping me from spending time with family? I’m in Nebraska. They’re in Michigan. Okay, that’s a bit beyond my control. But what I can do is call them more, and let them know I’m feeling a little alone. That way we can both try to ‘get together’ more.
What’s stopping me from my hobbies? I just had surgery. Again, something I can’t fix. But I can plan to do them when I recover, and learn more about them. Perhaps look into ways to do it that don’t require lifting.
Some of these things won’t be fixable. We can’t magic our health back, or change reality. But some of these are within our reach. Even if you can’t fix it today. Working towards doing what makes you feel fulfilled is worth the effort.
If the answers to ‘What’s stopping me?’ are beyond you, you can also ask for help.
Here at CaringConnections, we want you to feel fulfilled. You deserve that. Friendship and real, engaging activities that mean something… that’s what we do. We’d love to be a part of your journey in getting there.
You can reach out to us at hello@caringconnections.us or (512) 996-1434. We’d love to hear from you.